Raspberry World

Showing Charlie

Originally uploaded by Raspberry World.

Alex and I have been reading about Frog and Toad lately. I don’t really remember Frog and Toad from my childhood reading, which probably means I never read about them (my early reader days were filled with Enid Blyton), but I really like the books we’ve read from the library: Frog and Toad are Friends, Frog and Toad Together, and Frog and Toad All Year.

One of our favorite stories in Frog and Toad Together is “Dragons and Giants.” In it, Frog and Toad set out on an adventure to try to learn whether they are brave or not. They encounter a scary snake who wants to eat them, an avalanche of rocks, and a big hawk. They finally end up back at Toad’s house, hiding and “being very brave together.”

Since we started reading this story, Alex has mentioned “being brave” a few times, something we had never really talked about before. When I clipped his nails the other night, something he hates, he told me afterwards that he was “being brave” – and he really did yell and carry on less than usual while I was doing it. (I’ll be grateful for small mercies where this is concerned.)

Today we visited a butterfly exhibit in nearby Norwich. We’ve taken Alex to see butterflies before, with mixed results. His response in the past has ranged from standoffish aloofness to full-force meltdown and refusal to enter the butterfly house. Today was different – he not only let the butterflies land on him, he encouraged them to. And he enjoyed it as much as the rest of us did. Sometimes being brave is about the little things.

Today I was catching up on the newspaper and came across this question and answer from a recent “Miss Manners” column:

Dear Miss Manners: My daughter recently had a miscarriage, and a relative said, “Well, there are worse things that could happen.” I thought that was pretty insensitive. Why not just say “I’m sorry”?

Gentle Reader: Why not, indeed? It is the only helpful thing to say.

What Miss Manners thinks is that people harbor the illusion that they can say something that will make the pain go away. The example you cite hardly seems to qualify, even for that misguided notion, but the speaker evidently thought it would be a relief for your daughter to remember that at least she had not been eaten alive by werewolves.

“At least she had not been eaten alive by werewolves” actually made me laugh. There is not much that is funny about miscarriage, but people sure say some “funny” (ie, stupid) things when they don’t know what to say.

Last week, April 24 – May 1, was National Infertility Awareness Week in the US. I meant to post last week, but never got around to it. But as in many things, I feel it’s better late than never. So here goes.

Infertility takes many forms. It’s just as likely to be “caused” by the man as by the woman (among m/f couples). Frequently, both partners contribute. Over 7 million Americans are affected by it. Treatment is not affordable for everyone who wants children, and even when it is a possibility, it brings its own dehumanizing baggage. Painful tests, undignified examinations, injections, and medical labels add to the stress.

If you haven’t experienced infertility, it can be hard to recognize. For example, I have two children, yet I am infertile.  I can get pregnant but most of the time I can’t stay pregnant. To put this in perspective, if my first pregnancy had worked out, my oldest child would be turning ten this fall. And if my subsequent pregnancies had worked out, Marty and I would have seven children. As it is, I feel very lucky to have two children. We never wanted seven children, but for several years we were unsure whether we would manage to have even one.

During those years, I certainly heard remarks like the one in the letter to Miss Manners — and worse. Even the medical establishment had to get a word in: thanks to the recurrent miscarriages I experienced in my 30s, I was medically labeled a “habitual aborter,” which sounds like something very different from what it was. But at the same time, I received such wonderful support from friends who were also struggling with infertility, and from others who cared. I’m nearly as grateful for that support as I am for my boys. Simply knowing I was not alone helped tremendously.

I don’t have a lot to add to what so many others posted about infertility last week.  But I do feel it’s important to talk about infertility, to let people know that it happens. If it is happening to you, or to someone you know, there are resources out there that can help. Visit RESOLVE today.

Climbing

Originally uploaded by Raspberry World.

Oh, we’ve been lucky. March has been beautiful in our part of New England. We’ve had some rain, but we’ve also had some gorgeous blue sky days with temperatures in the 60s. The boys and I have been out enjoying it at playgrounds, parks, and just in the yard. Yay for spring!

Brothers

Originally uploaded by Raspberry World.

We are finally coming out of birthday season around here. It started back at Thanksgiving with Marty’s birthday, and ended earlier this month with Alex’s. All of us are now a year older. And with Valentine’s day and Christmas in there too, I feel like we have been eating sweets constantly for three months. Time for a diet!

Our February is flying by. Alex turned four on February 1, then we hosted a playdate for his birthday party. Charlie got his first haircut last week and Alex had a valentine’s day party at school. Today the month is over half over! Lots of pictures are posted in the February Flickr set.