Life, Postponed

You may remember from a post earlier this week that I had tickets to see John Mellencamp and The Wallflowers last night in Hartford. Not surprisingly, that concert has been postponed. You may also remember that I was planning to take today and tomorrow as vacation days because Maria was coming to visit from Detroit. Of course that visit isn't happening either. So here I am at work again, trying to concentrate, not having too much luck. If I'd had enough vacation time I would have just taken today off after all.

I was thinking this morning that the way I feel right now is similar to how it's felt in the past when I've been depressed. Everything becomes so damn difficult, even just getting up in the morning, or going to the grocery store. Trying to get things done, at home or at work, I feel like I'm walking around underwater with a lead suit on and a brain full of cotton wool. That is what depression feels like, at least to me. When I am depressed, I'm locked away so deep inside myself that I can't remember what it's like to feel like myself. And that's kind of what this feels like, too.

So, in the last couple of days, much has been cancelled or postponed. Not just visits and concerts, but also feelings of security, long-term plans, and, of course, thousands of entire lives. And it makes me feel like I don't know what to feel, or how to do the things I need to do.