Love it or leave it.

Yesterday, Marty came home from work shaking his head over a vehicle he had seen on our street. It was a big Chevy van with an American flag flying from the antenna and four or five American flag decals plastered on the back of it. It also had four US license plates (a real one from Wyoming, and a few fake ones from California and other places), in addition to an actual, current, Munich license plate. And it had a cover on the spare tire depicting a little cartoon boy pissing on a Volkswagen symbol.

It's rare enough to see a Chevrolet on the streets of Munich (most people here drive German cars), but a big van draws attention because it's just so... big. Here in the land of the $5 gallon of gas, most people think smaller is better. Even the few SUV-style vehicles you see on the road are much smaller than their counterparts on American highways. So a big van like that is definitely going to make an impression.

I don't even know what to say about all the flags and tags, and the insulting visual commentary about Volkswagen. I'm a patriotic person, but I'd think one American flag decal would be enough for anyone. I guess not for this driver. Who on earth could be driving that monster? Dude, if it's that bad here, I'm sure nobody would miss you if you just went on back home.

Anyway, it made me think some about the different experiences I've had with Americans here in Germany. Living in one of the most popular tourist destinations in Europe has made me more aware of what "normal" American behavior looks like through foreign eyes. Do y'all realize how loud Americans talk? Just on a regular basis? When you're in a train car with even just two Americans, you can generally hear them all the way at the other end of the car. Not because they're speaking English. Because they're speaking LOUD.

Just last week in a shoe store, I somehow got in the middle of four or five American ladies who were trying on Birkenstocks. This is a very nice shoe store right off Marienplatz that does a lot of tourist business, and although not all the clerks speak great English, they speak enough to give good service and be helpful. Well, when a male clerk I'd never seen there before came up and started speaking very good English to these women, you'd have thought it was the second coming of Christ. "Oh thank God, he actually speaks English!" one of them shrieked, as if she hadn't heard her mother tongue in a year. "And he's cute, too!" her friend answered, just as loudly. The man appeared to be embarrassed. But not as embarrassed as I was.

I am proud to be an American, and I don't mind if people know I am one. I certainly don't try to hide it. But I'd rather that they be pleasantly surprised that I don't match the negative stereotypes than resigned because I do.

This site should be helpful for any Ugly Americans in training, with German, Spanish, and French phrases for things like "It's better in the States," and "How much is that in real money?" Actually, the whole page just made me giggle, because the idea of people who want to say these things making the effort to say them in a foreign language is hilarious. Also, if anyone was actually crazy enough to use these phrases, many of the translations wouldn't quite get their point across. For instance:

Where is the Cathedral?
Où est le bordel?
¿Dónde se da masajes?
Wo geht's 'n hier zum Puff?

Thanks to Neil for pointing the site out.