The sleep thing
One of the funny things about having a baby is that everyone wants to know one thing: how he sleeps. Back at the very beginning, people would ask me if Alex was a "good baby" (what kind of question is that? who is really going to admit that their newborn is "bad"?) and I soon discovered that what they were really asking was whether or not he slept.
It's understandable that people want to know. Everyone knows about the sleep deprivation, and most people who have lived through it probably have nightmare memories of how bad it was. It seems like such a cliche, right? Everyone's telling you to sleep before the baby comes, warning you about it, blah blah blah. I figured, how bad could it really be? I've never been a person who needed a lot of sleep, so I imagined that I would be able to take it in stride.
Ha ha.
I was amazed at how tough it was. And I remember thinking to myself, among other things, What was I thinking? and If people really understood how bad this is, nobody would ever have any kids. It was just one of those things that I couldn't imagine until I was in it. When he was three weeks old, I was checking out sleep books from the library, just to see if there was anything I could do for him at that age. Anything at all!
He didn't sleep that well for the first several months. His naps were never regular, and it was tough to get him to go to sleep at night. We used all kinds of tricks. White noise, bedtime rituals, swaddling (we all loved the swaddling), anything we could think of. When he was very young, we also let him sleep in the bouncy seat or the swing, if he would, although I think he was in the crib for all his sleep by two months.
During the first few months after Alex was born, we worked out a schedule. I would go to bed early in the evening, by 8:00 PM at the latest. Marty would handle anything that came up until midnight. Alex usually slept quite a lot in the evenings but his wakings were unpredictable. After midnight, I would get up whenever he woke during the night, usually for a feeding. During the first few months, I counted on those four hours of sleep from 8 to midnight. I couldn't have made it without that.
Over the months, the nighttime wakings diminished and I was able to stay up until a more reasonable hour. Once in a while I would have to go to bed early to catch up, but it was a lot easier.
The worst sleep we ever had was during our trip down south in June and July. I think he got so overtired during the trip that by the last couple of days and nights he just couldn't get any sleep at all. I remember the night before we came home, we were staying in a hotel in Charlotte, and he woke up about every 45 minutes between midnight and 6 AM.
The very next night, back in his own crib at home, he slept through the night for the first time. With very few exceptions, he's done it every night since then, too. It took a while to work out, but he's a champion sleeper at night now (at 10 months). On a normal day he goes to bed between 6:30 and 7:00, and sleeps for twelve hours. If he is very tired, he might go to bed as early as 4:00 PM and sleep until 6:00 AM.
Daytime sleep is another story. There is no nap schedule. If he naps a total of one hour in a day, that's a lot. But how can I complain? He sleeps great at night, and I do, too.
The main thing I've learned from all this, and from talking with our doctor and my friends who have babies, is that there's not much you can do. I can't take credit for his good sleep at night, and I won't take the blame for his crappy naps. Apparently, this is just the kind of kid he is. And maybe when some more teeth come in, he'll start waking again in the night -- who knows? For now, I'll just be grateful that he sleeps. Because I do remember what February and March were like, and they were very hard. Wonderful, but hard.
It's understandable that people want to know. Everyone knows about the sleep deprivation, and most people who have lived through it probably have nightmare memories of how bad it was. It seems like such a cliche, right? Everyone's telling you to sleep before the baby comes, warning you about it, blah blah blah. I figured, how bad could it really be? I've never been a person who needed a lot of sleep, so I imagined that I would be able to take it in stride.
Ha ha.
I was amazed at how tough it was. And I remember thinking to myself, among other things, What was I thinking? and If people really understood how bad this is, nobody would ever have any kids. It was just one of those things that I couldn't imagine until I was in it. When he was three weeks old, I was checking out sleep books from the library, just to see if there was anything I could do for him at that age. Anything at all!
He didn't sleep that well for the first several months. His naps were never regular, and it was tough to get him to go to sleep at night. We used all kinds of tricks. White noise, bedtime rituals, swaddling (we all loved the swaddling), anything we could think of. When he was very young, we also let him sleep in the bouncy seat or the swing, if he would, although I think he was in the crib for all his sleep by two months.
During the first few months after Alex was born, we worked out a schedule. I would go to bed early in the evening, by 8:00 PM at the latest. Marty would handle anything that came up until midnight. Alex usually slept quite a lot in the evenings but his wakings were unpredictable. After midnight, I would get up whenever he woke during the night, usually for a feeding. During the first few months, I counted on those four hours of sleep from 8 to midnight. I couldn't have made it without that.
Over the months, the nighttime wakings diminished and I was able to stay up until a more reasonable hour. Once in a while I would have to go to bed early to catch up, but it was a lot easier.
The worst sleep we ever had was during our trip down south in June and July. I think he got so overtired during the trip that by the last couple of days and nights he just couldn't get any sleep at all. I remember the night before we came home, we were staying in a hotel in Charlotte, and he woke up about every 45 minutes between midnight and 6 AM.
The very next night, back in his own crib at home, he slept through the night for the first time. With very few exceptions, he's done it every night since then, too. It took a while to work out, but he's a champion sleeper at night now (at 10 months). On a normal day he goes to bed between 6:30 and 7:00, and sleeps for twelve hours. If he is very tired, he might go to bed as early as 4:00 PM and sleep until 6:00 AM.
Daytime sleep is another story. There is no nap schedule. If he naps a total of one hour in a day, that's a lot. But how can I complain? He sleeps great at night, and I do, too.
The main thing I've learned from all this, and from talking with our doctor and my friends who have babies, is that there's not much you can do. I can't take credit for his good sleep at night, and I won't take the blame for his crappy naps. Apparently, this is just the kind of kid he is. And maybe when some more teeth come in, he'll start waking again in the night -- who knows? For now, I'll just be grateful that he sleeps. Because I do remember what February and March were like, and they were very hard. Wonderful, but hard.
2 Comments:
I shudder at the words sleep deprivation. I haven't slept a full night in over a year. I'm glad he's sleeping better now. Could you send him over here to teach my two how to do that? :)
That's funny, and ironic. I set up until 3:30 Sunday night working on a photo calendar for my grandmother. I felt so bad on Monday. I told Amy that if I had any doubts, I now knew that I couldn't have another baby, just because of the need for sleep. I have no idea how we made it. I remember that after the first week or so with Jackson, I thought "Man, what was I doing sleeping so much before, I'm making it just fine on one or two hours a night. Who knew?" I could only get him to sleep by walking and bouncing him. I now blame my bad back on that. Anyway, it didn't take long for the adrenaline to wear off and it all came crashing in. And now my only advice to expectant parents is "SLEEP, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SLEEP. For like 16 hours a day! Seriously, SLEEP!"
And I also now know that is why my parents wouldn't let me sleep late as a teenager, they were just paying me back.
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