January 11, 2001
Happy New Millennium
So! The first journal entry of 2001! The first
journal entry of The New Millennium (say that part with an echo chamber). I
wanted to have something significant, enthralling, or cunning to say, but instead I think
I’m just going to write about what’s in my head or else it might be weeks before
I update.
I had a nice 32nd birthday last week. It was a
quiet birthday, second day back at work in the middle of the week, in the aftermath of the
decadent holidays. Marty and I went for dinner at Modern
Apizza and had birthday cake at home. I don’t feel any older yet.
This has been a long week, with not enough
sleep and too many empty hours spent at work. I think it’s my first five-day work
week in about 3 weeks, what with all the holidays and days off. The days have really
dragged. I’ve been making myself smile with James Taylor’s Sweet Baby James
album. I am so in love with his sweet tenor voice from 30 years ago. I love his later
stuff, too, but this album is a favorite.
I’ve also been working on three CDs. It’s
been several months since I’ve worked on any, and it feels good to be putting them
together again. It’s funny how the inspiration shows up out of nowhere all of a
sudden. Two of these discs were planned in the fall but I couldn’t seem to get them
to come together. Suddenly, they’re practically choosing their own song lists.
Recently Rob wrote a journal entry about driving in Connecticut. I've
been thinking about it all week when I’m on the highway. What he describes is
basically what it’s like to drive here, at least around New Haven. There’s a lot
of aggressive driving, and people get so angry and do stupid, dangerous things. I can’t
tell you how many times I see idiots roaring up behind the car in front, flashing their
lights, because the other driver merged into the lane ahead of them. Not even merging in
an obnoxious way, just putting on the blinker and pulling over with plenty of space in
between the cars. But that’s just going a little too far for some of these people! It
makes them MAD! I think Rob is right about the Invisible Giant Penis Zone. (Don’t
miss his follow-up entry about the trophy.)
Today it’s been two years since I started
my job. For those who have joined Raspberry World recently, I work as a writer and editor
in the marketing department of a big company in a very heavily-regulated industry. Most of
my work is internal, like newsletters for the sales force and other employees. I’ve
also been known to teach business writing classes for employees.
My job has changed so much since I started.
When I came, I joined a department of three other writers/editors. For the first year, we
were a team of four working on an amazing variety of projects. We worked on newsletters,
of course. But also speeches, training materials, articles, internal reports, intranet
sites, presentations, and bunches of other things. The four of us mostly worked together
very well, although there were a few personality conflicts and communications breakdowns
throughout the year.
Since I had recently moved to this area and I
didn’t have many friends outside work yet, during that first year I was very
dependent on my coworkers for companionship. We had a lot in common and there was a lot of
social contact in our daily workday. It was great when we were trading music and movie
recommendations, but it was hard when people’s feelings got hurt over stuff, and all
those repressed hostilities wouldn’t have anywhere to go in such a small department.
Because I didn’t have many friends outside my job (around here anyway) and also
because I loved my job so much, it was easy for me to let work determine my outlook on
everything else. When work was bad, my whole life felt bad.
Having spent most of my 20s in graduate
school, I really didn’t have a lot of experience in the workplace, or in recognizing
the place work should occupy in my life. So it was tough for me to achieve a balance at
first. And I’m really not sure I would have been able to balance work with the rest
of my life if things hadn’t changed.
A year ago yesterday (the last day of my first
year in this job), we learned that our department was being downsized and that two
positions were being eliminated; one other woman and I were chosen to stay and continue
the department, with a decreased project load. (I wrote about all this in the journal a few weeks after it first happened, so I won’t go
back over everything now.) At the time I thought we could all remain friends, but that
turned out not to be very realistic, under the circumstances. After the two positions were
eliminated, we functioned as a department of
two for several months. Then the other woman who was retained also decided to leave the
company in August. That position has not been filled, and won’t be. So, in the course
of about 8 months, my department dwindled from four to one.
But in the process of making all those
changes, a funny thing happened. I guess I toughened up a lot. Or maybe I just managed to
put work into perspective at last. People ask me, aren’t I afraid my job will be
eliminated too? Not really. I mean, yes, it might be eliminated, but no, I’m not
afraid. I know I can find another one if I want to or need to. I certainly don’t
depend on my job for social fulfillment anymore (although I have made new friends since I’ve
been my own department). And I don’t miss the emotional strangeness that came from
working that closely with three other people. If I ever work in a department again, I will
be a lot less eager to make friends. I mean, of course I will be friendly, but I won’t
look to my coworkers for a social life. It just complicates everything too much.
Looking back over all of it makes me think
about how much things can change in two years. I’m still sorry that my department was
dismantled. It was a terrible shame, because we were a very effective team that brought
value to the company (although nobody seems to have realized that until it was too late).
But I’m proud that I’ve been able to adapt to the changes and take on the
projects I didn’t have before. And I’m very glad that I have learned not to
build so much of my happiness on working for someone else. Doing that gives someone else
way too much power over me. I like it better when I get to decide what makes me happy and
what makes me sad. |
