Valentine's day is one of my favorite holidays. In school, I always liked it best of any of the holidays we celebrated. I enjoyed decorating the little mailbox for my desk and getting valentines ready for my classmates. Some years I'd make them all by hand out of construction paper and doilies. And I love Valentine's candy. Conversation Hearts and Red Hots rank among my all-time favorite sweets.

But Valentine's day can be overdone. In my opinion, US culture takes it way too seriously. And personally, I am not comfortable with the emphasis on celebrating couplehood that Valentine's day has come to signify. The way it's celebrated today seems to be calculated to make people feel inadequate; it's getting to be like Christmas, one of those holidays when you have to make everything perfect. This translates to millions of couples packed like sardines into candlelit restaurants every February 14, each trying to give a perfect performance of the perfect romantic evening. One friend who is a waiter said that he hates waiting on Valentine's day, because the customers tend to act out. I can believe it. But society's message is, if you can't produce the perfect romantic card, present, candy, and dinner, there must be something wrong with your relationship. And god forbid if you're not part of a couple -- what kind of loser are you, anyway?

Who needs that kind of pressure? Certainly not I.

To me, the best part of Valentine's day is planning surprises for the people I love -- and by that I mean my friends as well as my husband. And I'm not talking about big flashy surprises. I usually give something I've made, something little, something fun. Because the fun of Valentine's day is in appreciating the people who add good things to my life. I love to have the opportunity to show my appreciation, and Valentine's day seems like the perfect day for it.

All that said, I definitely understand when people have negative responses to the way this day is traditionally celebrated. One friend who attended a women's college told me about how awful it was every February 14th to walk past the front desk that was overflowing with all the roses and presents that had been delivered. If you weren't in a relationship -- or, even worse, if you were in one and didn't get anything -- the whole scene made you feel like a social outcast. Especially when mean people wouldn't hesitate to point out that you hadn't received anything. That kind of conspicuous consumption was what prompted my friend to call February 14th Black Monday (or Tuesday, or Friday, or whatever day of the week it fell on). That's the kind of experience that gives you a bad attitude about Valentine's day.

So I can appreciate the dark side of this day, too. After all, as much as I love LOVE, I also like a little edge in my romance. It's a strange truth that too much sweetness turns sour after awhile. And this is something I had to learn -- I spent a lot of years going the route of pure, unadulterated, 100% romance on Valentine's day. The more melodramatic, the better. But now I think it's more fun to have fun on Valentine's day. In other words, mix a little spice in with the sugar. Toss a few songs by The Smiths in with the ones by The Carpenters. Play Brick House as well as Let's Get It On. Just don't take it too seriously. And I like to remember what it's really about, too. It's a day to be grateful for the people who know me and love me for who I am, because they are the people who deserve the hearts and flowers.

Happy Valentine's Day!

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